I'm Fine
by Fasiha
Summary: It's been another year and Barry can't seem to escape his own depressing thoughts. After all, his mother died 16 years ago on this day...


**_Pleas review_**

 **It's** that time of the year again. Barry glanced down at his coffee, the music playing in the background. Iris wanted to come with him to Jitters but he'd refused. He needed to be alone. Barry took a sip, savoruring the bittersweet taste of his coffee. His heart felt like lead as he reflected on everything that had happened in this day.

A loud noise makes him wake up with a gasp. He watches with wide-eyes as the water in the fish tank slowly moves up, as if the water is no longer in liquid form. He steps out of his bed and hears weird sounds coming from downstairs. Barry finds himself taking light steps as he walks down the stairs. He gasps at the sight in the living room. Yellow and red light surrounds his mother who's on her knees, screaming. Barry's heart leaps in his throat and he screams loudly, "mom!"

He makes out a man in yellow suit staring at him before the man disappears into red and yellow flashes. Barry watches his dad walk in and he yells at him to leave. But Barry can't tear his gaze away from his mom and he wants to go forward and help her but everything is so confusing and happening so fast and-

"Oh hey Barry."

Barry snapped out of his thoughts, looking up at Joe who took a seat across from him. Joe smiled at him but it soon dropped when he saw Barry's heartbroken expression. "Bar, what's wrong?"

Barry swallowed, blinking the images glued to his eyes away and he took a sip of his coffe, forcing a smile. "Nothing, was just in deep thought."

"If it's about Zoom again," Joe started.

Barry shook his head. "No, it's not Zoom."

Joe nodded. "Good, we'll get him. Caitlin and Wells are coming up with an idea to close the breaches around Central City."

Barry nodded, not feeling very motivated to talk about the problems in his life. Especially not Zoom. He didn't know what it was but Zoom reminded him too much of the Reverse Flash, the man who killed his mother. Barry downed his cup and swiped his lips with his tongue. "That's great, but I've got to go now. Got a few important things to do."

Luckily, Joe doesn't question it and Barry slung on his coat, leaving Jitters in a hurry. Outside the air was cool, the watch in his wrist showing that the time was 7 p.m. Barry tried to swallow the lump in his throat, and thoughts fogged his mind as he walked down the street with his hands in his pockets. Thoughts about that night, about Zoom, Wells, and especially the video message. Wells had been right. He knew him better than anyone. Just the thought of him made Barry's face harden and he curled his fists inside his pockets. A burning fire ignited inside of him and he felt the sudden urge to just run forever. And that's exactly what he did.

He took off on full speed. Caitlin adivsed him to take it slow, but he's properly healed so he doesn't see the point of caution. He feels slightly better as he zig-zags through town, the wind pushing around him, the air filling up in his lungs. He didn't know how long he ran, but he felt his legs starting to ache. He didn't stop though. He felt like he was finally running away from his mother's murder, Harrison's betrayal and Zoom. He considered running away to another city. He couldn't keep Central City safe from Zoom anyway, then what was the point of him staying here? Iris didn't like him back, Patty wouldn't care after a week or so and Joe had Wally to spend time with. No one would ever hear or see the flash again. The idea was tempting and Barry alsmot went along with it, but then he was reminded of Zoom wanting to kill him. He'd just take matters into another city. No, he would have to deafeat Zoom. But that was nearly impossible. Barry pushed his legs faster as he ran, gritting his teeth as he ran at full speed. It's not enough, he thought with a groan. He would never be able to defeat Zoom at this rate. He forced his feet to push against the ground and move faster and faster. He wouldn't stop until-

Barry let out a yelp as he slowed down just as he collided into a truck that appeared out of nowhere. His body hurt at the impact, but he managed to push himself up on his feet. His legs ached and his heart raced. Man, that was a long run. Barry decided to do it again. After all, he needed to defeat Zoom.

- ** _Caitlin_** -

Joe walked into the Cortex, a worried frown on his face. Iris and Caitlin stopped talking, turning to greet him.

"Hey, dad," Iris said, giving him a hug. She looked at his face and her smile faltered. "Is eveyrthung alright?"

"Everything's fine," Joe replied, sitting down on one of the chairs. "I'm just worried for Barry."

"Worried? Why?" Caitlin asked just as Cisco jumped down from the medical bay. "Hello Joe, nice to see you."

"Hey Cisco." Joe turned to her. "He's been acting distant and I don't know, he seems to be holding up some kind of guard."

"Maybe he's just having bad day," Cisco suggested.

Joe shrugged, "could be it."

"Guys?" Iris asked carefully, and Caitlin looked up at her. "What day is it today?"

"It's Friday," Cisco answered in confusion.

"No, I mean the date," Iris said.

"January 17th," Joe said, looking up at Iris with wide eyes. Iris pursed her lips and nodded. "That must be it."

"Wait, what are we talking about? What must be it?" Cisco asked and Caitlin nodded along.

"What's so special with January 7th?" she asked.

"It's the day Barry's mother died," Iris said quietly. "He shuts everyone out on this day."

"Oh," Caitlin said, feeling incredibly bad for Barry. No wonder he hadn't come to the lab all day.

"I'm calling him," Cisco said. He pulled his phone out and dialed Barry's number before pressing it to his ear.

"He won't pick up," Joe said, but they were all surprised when Cisco's eyes lit up.

"Hey man, where are you?"

He put the phone on speaker and Caitlin could hear pants from the other side. A soft groan emitted from the phone before Barry answered. "Nothing, was just running for a bit."

"Is everything fine?" Caitlna asked carefully, noticing his Barry hadn't answered Cisco's question. Barry catching his breath was never a good sign.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. If you're only calling to check on me then bye."

The call ended and Cisco gave them a look. "Yup, he's not fine."

- ** _Iris_** -

Barry was leaning on the cold brick, eyes trained on the night life of Central City. Iris took slow steps forward, aware that he probably knew she was here by the clinking of her heels on the ground. She stood beside him for awhile. His eyes seems hooded as he continued watching the city, and it seemed as if he wasn't just watching the city but something else was playing in front of you eyes.

Iris pursed her lips, nudging him lightly. "Knew you'd be here."

Barry didn't move. Iris frowned. "Barry.. Barry?"

Barry suddenly spun his head at her. "W-what?"

"Are you okay?" she asked, placing a tentative hand on his cold knuckles.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he said, his eyes saddening and his lips quivering.

"Barry..." Iris felt her heart sink and she pulled him in a hug. "Hey, it's alright."

He hugged her tightly and Iris heard him sniff. "I feel horrible, everything's my fault."

Iris shook eh head. "No, it's not. Stop saying that, stop thinking that and stop believing that."

She pulled back, resting her hands on his shoulders. Tears had fallen down his cheeks and she wiped them away. "Barry, nothing of what happened that day was your fault. You were eleven, there was nothing you could do."

"It's not just that," Barry choked out. "Everything with Zoom is just wrong. If I hadn't gone back to save my mom, and then I didn't even save her, Eddie would be alive, Ronnie would still be Firestorm, these meta-humans from earth two wouldn't be here and Zoom wouldn't be a problem I can't handle!"

Irirs swallowed at the mention of Eddie and she shook her head. "Barry, listen to me. None of those things were your fault. If you had brought your mother back, you'd never have met any of us and most important of all, Ronnie and Eddie died as heroes."

"Yeah, but they don't get recognized for it," Barry sniffed, wiping away his tears. "You know what, I'm just taking another lap around the city."

Irirs grabbed his arm before he could flash away. "Barry wait, come home. It's starting to get darker and you're probably exhausted."

"I'm the flash, I don't get exhausted," Barry replied, sighing. "I'm fine, Iris. I just need to clear my head for a bit."

He pulled his arm away from her grasp and flashed away, Iris's hair whipping from the wind as she stood there alone on the rooftop.

She didn't know what the time was but it had to be pretty late. She sleepily walked downstairs, thinking she'd heard some kind of noise. When she reached the living room, she saw Barry passed out on the couch, lips parted. Her dad had been worried sick for him and he hadn't even answered his calls. Joe had eventually fallen asleep from exhaustion and Iris had gone to her room to do the same. She locked the front door before grabbing a blanket and covering Barry in it. She smiled softly at his peaceful sleeping self. Maybe tomorrow he'd feel better.

"I hope so," she mumbled before going back upstairs.

 **First time writing a Flash Fanfiction, but I've been obsessed with the series for two weeks now and having no more episodes to watch was killing me. Hope you like it and I'd love reviews on what you honestly think about this. Should I do more? I have a few on shots in my head but I'm unsure...**

 **xx**


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